lilac sky

May be things not to be said needs to be left unsaid, but love is not that way. I could never control of what I or you would say nor do, a thing I should learn to remember. The weird thing is, I seem to forget this. When I feel vulnerable, there are moments that I want to get out of this life and soul being someone else, and that unfortunately can not be done. I do have a moral note on my self, how I detached my being from time to time. Where did that go?

Nevertheless, I did made my life to be capsuled in a wonderland and trying so hard to keep it there. As long as I want it to... But once words come out, there are no ways to take them back. And I feel restless. It seems that I have had make mistakes, too many that I could not count. Yet, my world seems to be fine. Shaking a bit, but back on track.

Why would I be so nervous? I know it is normal to feel edgy about uncertainty of one's fate, but I am really stressful these few days. Having people around would made them my enemies. May be I just want my piece of warm kind words and encouraging smiles from around, but since I am alone, no one could give me these attentions. I feel lost, lonely and unhappy.

I've told about how the sky reflects one heart, yesterday it did to mine. Deep down I felt nervous, as I know sky change color as human's heart could. Even if I put on smiles, I wish there's someone who could understand how miserable I feel under this lilac sky. And warm my nights with words and calmness, so I could sleep tonight, peacefully...